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By David Morgan, inspired by All One

(Rough Draft - Last changed 10 days ago.)

Thirteen Characteristics Of Adult Children
(As written by Janet Geringer Woititz, Ed.D.)

Unless you grew up in a perfectly emotionally healthy family, you may have one or more of these characteristics:

1. Guess at what normal behavior is.

2. Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

3. Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4. Judge themselves without mercy.

5. Have difficulty having fun.

6. Take themselves very seriously.

7. Have difficulty with intimate relationships.

8. Overreact to changes over which they have no control.

9. Constantly seek approval and affirmation.

10. Usually feel that they are different from other people.

11. Are super responsible or super irresponsible.

12. Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13. Are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Notes:

  • If you read this list, and find yourself thinking: "What's wrong with that characteristic, it sounds fine to me?", then you can find a clear answer to the problems with that characteristic by reading her book.
  • Janet's New York Times Bestseller book, Adult Children of Alcoholics is available on Amazon here. One of the great attributes of the book is that for each characteristic, you could read "how you got it", and then go to another chapter on "how to fix it." Lots of great solutions!
  • Many years ago, when I first read this list, I thought the following: 1) I could identify with some of those characteristics. 2) I didn't like those characteristics, and I really didn't want to be a person who had those characteristics through my life.
  • If you read this list, and you can see some of these characteristics in you, then I invite you to consider this: Is this something you want to live with, or would you like to learn how to live a better life? Spending time on improving emotional strength and knowledge is very similar to staying physically fit through exercise.
  • I believe that in most cases, parents do try to do the best that they can, but their parenting job highly depends on the emotional education they were given or learned on their own.
  • Remember that even if you are a great parent, it could be harder to teach your children these characteristics if you work many hours. Education takes time and effort, but it can really pay off in the long run.
  • Characteristics like the above are discussed at free Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, a 12 Step recovery program for adults whose lives were affected as a result of being raised in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional families. I did benefited from going to these group meetings, but your mileage may vary.
  • Janet points out that adult children can be children of alcoholics or children from many other types of dysfunctional situations. Examples include growing up with people who had other compulsive behaviors (such as gambling, drug abuse, workaholic, overeating), experienced chronic illness, profound religious attitudes, were adopted, lived in foster care, lived with divorced parents, etc.

Thank you for reading this!

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This page updated 05/11/18 04:20 PM