|By David Morgan, inspired by All One|
(Rough Draft - Last changed less than one day ago!)
12 Steps programs such as AA, as well as lots of other resources including the Bible talk about making amends. Dictionary.com says "to compensate, as for an injury, loss, or insult" and "reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.'
AA's Step says: "9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
Saying you're sorry to someone is a good start, but making amends, whenever possible really is the most affective, for both parties.
I believe, as do most professionals, that if you have harmed someone either emotionally, physically, or financially, in most cases, making amends is the best solution to releasing guilt, since it may be the only way to re-balance the scales of "fairness" between the two people.
When you think about this, making amends is really is very similar to what happens if someone goes to court in the American judicial system. The court may have a trial where both parties have the opportunity to "tell their side of the story", and then the court decides if anyone is found guilty. The court then generally charges the guilty party with some kind of "fine." The court's job is to attempt to balance the scale of fairness, in the American court system, this is believed to be the best resolution for both parties.
The truth is we all know that when we harm someone we should make amends, whenever possible. We also know that we all have made mistakes; I know I have in the past. We are human, and humans make mistakes. I also know that when I made a mistake that harmed someone else, I felt bad. And I also know that only when I said that I was sorry, and made amends in an attempted to re-balance the scale of fairness; was the burden of guilt actually released from me.
So what I invite you to do is to consider is this:
Isn't the true value in making amends to another person
the weight of the burden of guilt that is released in your mind?
Negativity, such as guilt, has been scientifically shown to cause health issues that will reduce your lifespan. So guilt does have a cost. How much is a lifetime of guilt cost, not in dollars, but in happiness? And then, of course, maybe there is a loss for the other person, as well as the potential loss in a friendship or more.
Many years have gone by since I made the amends, and I know I am so grateful I had both the conviction and the fortitude to make the amends Making amends can be such a freeing process, and feels right in your heart!
Thank you for reading this!
This page updated 04/24/18 02:47 PM