Love V4.0, a GREAT freeware program!
Yet another customer service phone call.......
Service Rep: Hello,
you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company help desk. How may I help you?
Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVEv4.0...you
know....the freeware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to install it?
Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and
instructions with you?
Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?
Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no
other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in
the background, you will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will
notice its affect on every application you may have. It makes the good programs run
smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.
Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run
Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV,
ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be
invoked every time there is an external violation, including the ever-popular syntax
Also, all those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be
avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what
country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model.
Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for
too long. But what about the bad programs?
CS Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like
HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs can't be entirely
deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands
from being executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and
you wont be able to write with the font "BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10".
Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free
CS Rep: They sure are ma'am.
Customer: How do I get the upgrades?
CS Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it
automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Hard drive Email
And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices
run whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be
upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive
the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with other
computers while it is running.
Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am
ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right
now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running, ma'am?
Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no
longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module
of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn
those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.
Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been
Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You
need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS". What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART.
It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you
have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT,
REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and
begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all
directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone
and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to
handle it from here. One more thing before I go...
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules
to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return
some really neat modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.