Learn a standard way to solve relationship problems, from Night Court!
Some background about "Night Court"The following makes use of an episode from Night Court. This particular episode was written to help people learn how to solve relationship problems. While this episode focuses in on a married couple, the same lessons apply to many, most, or maybe even all other relationships.
NightCourt.Wikia.com wrote this about Harry:
Harry deals with many cases involving problems between two or more people. Harry acts as a mediator and tries to help the people work out their problems.
Personal note about "Night Court"
Now before posting this page, I had to think for a while if I should post it, since while the show had many good life messages in them, there was also some poor role modeling by the characters. Since I currently believe that role models can potentially have a very huge impact on people, for example due to the mirror neurons, it made the decision to post this episode more complicated. However, given the educational value of the content of this episode, I've decided to include this post. I suggest that you take the good lesson in this episode, and leave the rest.
I believe the show included poor role models for at least a couple of key reasons.
You can look at Night Court and point your finger and say things like "it's condescending", "promotes lust", etc. and not learn anything = zero,
You can read the transcription of the episode, and learn what tools the writers suggest on how to solve/prevent future relationship issues.
Just one of the great lessons that I learned from going to 12 Step programs a long time ago comes from the slogan "Take what you want, and leave the rest." If I could "translate" that a bit, to me that slogan says: "Find the good in the message, the part that helps you learn to become a better person, and use it, instead of finding something you don't like about something, pointing your finger at it and tossing the whole message out the window." One choice, which is your choice, can help you grow, while the other provides zero growth.
Note: The suggested method that this episode attempts to teach is may be common sense for some, and new for others. Important Relationship Skills discusses some of the skills needed for this to happen.
On to the episode!
The episode that I want to share with you is about an old longtime girlfriend (Lesley) who comes to visit Harry and she tries to seduce Harry. Harry has a hard time saying no, and they are just about to get very passionate when they hear a knock on the door. The following transcript (and added comments) start from that point on in the episode:Lesley says:
Harry then gets very nervous and says:
They break for a commercial and when they return a few things happen between them and other characters. This transcript continues focusing on with the point of the story. When Sheldon (husband) comes in, Harry is so nervous that even though Harry is saying the truth, how he says it sounds very incriminating to Sheldon. The more Harry says, the worse things sound.
Eventually Sheldon is so angry with Judge Harry Stone that Sheldon says:
Finally, Lesley steps between the two men and says to Sheldon:
Sheldon (to Lesley):
Some of cast then gets into a "who.s right and who.s wrong" argument when Harry throws that gavel and says:
Sheldon turns to Harry, angrily pointing his finger at Harry:
Harry (as he looks at both of them):
Harry turns to Lesley:
Harry turns to Sheldon:
Harry steps in between the two, puts his arm around Sheldon and looks at Lesley:
Harry looks back and forth to them both and says:
Harry (still standing between them turns to Sheldon:
Harry (turns to Lesley):
Harry (looking at both):
There a long pause between the two, and then you see smiles between Sheldon and Lesley! Then after a few kind words between Lesley and Sheldon, Harry speaks again.
Conclusions from this Episode:From this episode, 4 Steps could be drawn, providing one possible path to solving many relationship issues:
Why doesn.t everyone simply follow these Steps?Now it.s obvious that most, if not all, relationship problems stem from not "talking about the problem" in the first place. This can often happen because the problem is uncomfortable to talk about. The problem can bring up many emotions such as anger and hurt. Maybe you don.t want to hurt the other person.
Maybe you don.t know how to talk or work out relationship problems.Unless you were raised in a family with parents who talked out their problems, you were not taught how to work out problems. It's something you must learn. It.s not taught in public schools, and that.s not the public school.s fault. It.s also not taught by the government. Have you never seen a government educational program on how to work out problems in relationships?
When you are child, typically it.s the parents or caregivers that "normally" teach you, by being healthy role models for their children. However, if you were not taught as a child, when you become an adult, the end result is that you must educate yourself on how to have healthy relationships, and how to solve relationship issues. If you do learn the skills, you will be a healthy role model for others, including children.
What if the reason is that you are afraid to talk about it?
Even worse, what if you were raised in a family who yelled, screamed, or was emotionally or physically abusive, when relationship problems arose? What if you had a parent that bullied you or acted almost like a dictator? What if the person you are trying to resolve the issue with has some or more of these characteristics? It would make perfect sense for you to be fearful of talking. That is a normal reaction. Educate yourself on how stop living a life as a victim.
What if the reason is that you made a mistake or intentionally harmed the other person?
The short answer is still the same; you have to talk about it. In addition, realize making amends is often valuable.Making amends means to compensate or make up for a wrongdoing. Let.s say you broke something. Making amends might mean fixing it, or replacing it.
It.s impossible to change a past mistake. You can learn to be a better person if you admit it and then make an honest effort to learn from your mistakes. By not talking about it, you are more likely to repeat the same mistakes in the future. Making amends and talking about it will also help to release your guilt. Guilt, like stress and anger, are scientifically proven to be unhealthy for your life.
If your parents or others made a mistake by being abusive or they were not good role models, or even if you made a mistake, you can.t change that. However, you can learn from it, and educate yourself so that you don.t make those same mistakes in your current relationships. Let your past make you better, not bitter.The book "The Question Behind the Question" (amazon) states that throughout our lives we are role models to everyone who knows us. Learning tools for healthy loving relationships allows us to be better role models and will result in a better world.
I invite you to consider asking yourself:
"Is this the life you really want to live? Do you really want to lose (or not have) loving relationships because of what happened in the past or because you are not willing to educate yourself or ask others to help you solve your present relationship problems?"
Listen to your heart. Consider mending your relationships.
I believe this episode provided some good guidelines for resolving relationship conflicts, and they are summarized in the 4 Steps from above. By all means, if needed, seek professional help.Consider something Carl Bard said:
So if you.re struggling with all of this, then consider something that Mae West said:
Thank YOU for reading this!
By David MFor any comments, questions, or if you want to help with AllOne in any way, please contact us. . About
This page updated 03/23/19 11:03 AM